"What strikes me as ridiculous is that I can see myself internalizing her ugly behavior toward me. It has no reflection on me... other than my poor decision to trust her a little bit... mentally I know this but emotionally I have this terrible habit of feeling bad about myself when I’m being treated badly. I have to stop this."

This resonates for me. Not in the same way as for you, but... -> it's work to know when to consider myself with as high a priority as I consider others, or even a higher priority. I have a responsibility to do this. People around me say that I have a responsibility to do this and I agree with them. -> but actually to do it feels very confusing indeed.

I'm like, "oh I need something? I need something really? humm….!" and then ignore myself and pass onto the next thing. I have some weird behaviour patterns. And meanwhile this small voice inside me is SHOUTING !

Especially when other people see themselves as pandering to my needs when they are really trying to get something from me. I get PUZZLED internally... my mind and spirit start wandering out of this universe and into the next.

This confusion of boundaries seems to be a childhood thing. My adult self can "know" where interpersonal boundaries are, and then get confused when other people impose on them. Because a young child really does not know, unless taught - where they end and another person begins.