That session sucked. Not blaming you since I just sat there and didn't contribute. But I feel like I would have been better off with no session. I feel worse than I did walking in. I don't even know why. I guess maybe there was some need that I had unconsciously been hoping to fulfill in the session. Whatever it was, I didn't get it.

I don't understand why you keep pushing for acknowledgement that I want to come, or that I want something out of the interaction since I keep coming. I don't get what sort of response you're looking for when you say stuff about that.

Maybe I feel distressed due to looking at you when I first came in. I don't usually do that. It didn't feel upsetting at the time, but looking back, I feel distressed by it for some reason. Hmm. I think I might actually be on to something. As the session went on, I found myself turning more and more away from you. I felt really anxious. I remember thinking I want to hide. I ignored the thought since it made no sense, but now I wonder where it came from.

Driving home, I found myself fantasizing about terminating. This is confusing because I don't want to terminate. I'm not even angry with you at the moment, so it just seems like a weird thought to be having.

I feel like acting out in some way. I think that is probably just a sign of how distressed I am. I think sometimes when I act out, it's to distract myself from unfamiliar and painful feelings. I'd rather act out, even if it might lead to negative feelings because at least it would feel familiar. I don't know what to do with whatever it is I am feeling right now. Feels unbearable.