Hello Latexlizard: I see this was your first post here on PC. I'm sorry you're only now receiving your first reply. Welcome to Psych Central.

I'm sorry you are struggling with these obsessive thoughts. I'm afraid there is not much of anything in particular I can offer with regard to your concerns. From my perspective, I think this is all something you may need to seek professional mental health services for. In the meantime though here are links to 5 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that offer suggestions for dealing with obsessive thoughts:

7 Ways to Stop Obsessing

5 Ways to Free Yourself From Dark and Obsessive Thoughts

Some Ideas to Help Stop Obsessing

9 Ways to Let Go of Stuck Thoughts

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I hope you find PC to be of benefit.