Now as I think about it, I made a huge mistake about my education by listening to what people think. They thought I am stupid, "crazy", "retarded"? Not my fault. Now what happened later was my fault - I tried to be like the others. And I failed miserably. Just because I am not a carbon copy of every other teenager, it does not mean I am bad or that I have a deficiency. I did not realize it back then. And now... I can never be a doctor. Theoretically it's possible for me to give the medical entrance examination but practically it's not that easy. My psychiatrist already told me I should not go into med school. Which breaks my apart whenever I think about it.

Health is not luxury, it's a damned ESSENTIAL factor to live life. I could have helped people my way. I could have enjoyed the science behind medicine. I could have been a physician or a surgeon. But now I cannot. And I am one of those to blame.

I don't know, thoughts like the above ones come to my head many times a day. What do I do?