well.. the internal resource part is kinda sketchy but ya ya.. i am feeling pretty pleased too.. mostly because he was so pleased. i told him that too, that a lot of the motivation behind the work i did was to regain his good graces. He said at this point it didn't matter... he said "... i don't really care what your motivations were.. if you came here to learn guitar and you practiced just to make me happy, you'd still end up learning guitar.."

it touches me whenever someone says they are proud of me... its one of those special things

relief? omg yes.. yes... YES

i know some will think i am too dependent on how he feels or thinks or whatever and to that i say YES I AM! i know that, i accepted that a long time agao.. as a transitionary state. It will be a long transition but that's ok. i don't cling to people, i never let people get close and i never trust like this.... i fully accepted that in doing that with him i was going to need to be very vulnerable and that would open up a LOT of neediness that had not been exposed and met before.

i told him that during H's visit he had given me quite a lot of solid support and that was so valuable, i was still the one who said i needed to leave... that was ALL me, but i felt suddenly like i had a sound base to do it from.. that when that emotional base was filled in, i was able to do something HUGE

THANK YOU

THANK YOU to all of you who helped and listened... omg, i really leaned on you all

(YES riptide.. post the link here so anyone else who wishes to can go sign as well The link i posted is the official exhile government site)