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sarahsweets · May 18, 2019 at 03:39 AM

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband and I went through some awful financial times when he was out of work after the 2008 recession. We had such a hard time staying afloat. We almost lost our house. We were very close to losing it-we even had a sherriff sale notice. I had the worst mortgage company and had to get the Atty General's office involved in order to get the shady company to give us a loan modification. The following advice is only what I have experienced and up to you. If you have had a change in circumstances you should apply for a loan modification. You have to be behind to get one. If this is something you want to do, skip paying your mortgage and google loan modification+your state. There is HAMP and other programs to try. I do not know what you would qualify for. Most mortgage companies are required now to help their customers with this so if you call them and tell them you are having trouble paying they should be able to help you figure it out. If you do this, you will be able to use the money you have for other bills and food for now.

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The stress is crazy. We are about to run out of food and I don’t know what to do—go to the grocery store and just say f*** the mortgage? I mean, my eating disorder loves the idea of potentially being forced to not eat, but of course I want my husband to fed and also it’s not good for recovery...

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Next month, my husband’s student loans will kick in too.

Has he ever applied for a deferrment or forbearance? This will help you temporarily.

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My husband keeps blaming me (I know he doesn’t mean to) for what feels like every little thing, making me hate myself even more. He doesn’t understand that when he calls me stupid, selfish, dumb, etc., just because he doesn’t mean it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt like hell. He’s tells me at least a few times a week how the reason we’re in this situation is because of all my medical bills that have racked up thousands of dollars of debt on our credit cards. I already know that, and feel incredibly guilty. I may be those things at times, but it seems that he likes to constantly remind me over and over.

Even if it is your "fault" he should not be saying those mean things to you. Are you comfortable telling him this? You have to stop taking that abuse because of your guilt. What you may have done or not done is in the past. you cant change it now so feeling bad about it is just taking up space in your head. Since when has guilt or shame ever helped anyone? They are toxic emotions that cause you to freeze, shut down or hide. I hope you can put that aside and be a part of the solution.