I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, TheLonelyChemist! You already know what I think about ALL of this! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! It is NOT easy to decide what path in life we want to follow, but IT CAN BE DONE! I'd suggest to still try to pursuse it and see how it goes from there if that's what you want to do! Are there any other career possibilities and options you are thinking about as well? It is ALWAYS good to have some sort of backup plan and if you change your mind about ALL of this you can always try something else, perhaps in the field of the Science that you love so much! I DO believe that you're a very smart and strong person and FRIEND! I DO believe that you can do EVERYTHING YOU WANT if you just BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Please be kind to yourself and don't balme yourself for some past mistakes! Anyone can make them! We're only humans after all and I DO believe that's something VERY IMPORTANT to learn ESPECIALLY if you plan to be a Doctor! Just try to be kind to yourself, ok, my friend? I'm sure YOU'LL LEARN from your mistakes! That's what they are for! YOU'RE A STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH MANY GREAT, WONDERFUL THINGS! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Sending many hugs to you, TheLonelyChemist, my STRONG WONDERFUL FRIEND!