I did an intercalated biochemistry degree in my second year of medical school and didn't return to medicine, but instead did postgraduate research and ended up working in pharma for many years. This was over 30 years ago and I am now semi retired, while I care for my elderly mother. I completely understand your thinking and have often read your posts, wishing I knew how to respond. For many years, I regretted my decision, as I saw my former classmates qualify and work in medicine. I changed course for MH reasons and was also advised not to be a medical doctor by my own doctors and tutors. What can I say? They were right. I was happier in research than working with death and disease in real live people. Less trauma, sadness, tragedy, heart ache. Test tubes don't cry or bleed or die. Many of my former classmates envied me (I was amazed to learn this at a reunion) and regretted their choice in their 40s. Some have left medicine and are working in healthcare but not direct patient care. Think how you've changed how you feel from age 8 to 18. Multiply that by 5, if not more. That's how much your perspective changes over your career. What is attractive at 20 may not necessarily be at 55. Don't let your regret define you. Being a doctor is all the things people describe. But it is also gross. Puke, poo, whatever. If you believe in God, trust that He has a plan for you. And after 30 years of working as a scientist, I can absolutely confirm that you can enjoy the science behind medicine as a PhD in a lab rather than as a doctor on the wards or in a clinic. There is an enormous world of scientific careers out there, it isn't just MD or PhD. I have enjoyed my science life far more than if I had become a doctor. PM me if you need to. Warm hugs to you from England!