To answer your questions, Silver, It's been almost a year since I am pondering over the question - Why did I not give the medical entrance examination? I am currently a BSc student waiting for the results of first year. Here we've MBBS system, meaning we enter medical college right after 12th grade/high school.
I'll be brutally honest here. I know medical college will not be a walk through the garden. I know it is going to be tremendously hard, and the job itself will also have the capability of breaking me. For me, oh my goodness, it won't be easy. Because I do not behave normally when I am under tremendous stress. I cannot handle stress. Despite that, I still want to be a doctor.
I am ready to try to get the highest grade ("O" here) in the university exams. I am ready to give it my best. Despite the fact that my health, in general, is poor. I do not have what a healthy teenager has. THAT is what that is holding me back from giving the medical entrance examination. After I give it, what am I supposed to do? Get into med school? But what from then? What if I don't make it? Wouldn't that be horrible and wouldn't I just have wasted years of my life?
As unfortunate as it is, I do not have the support of my parents. They unfortunately are ill as well. I am the only one getting treatment, my parents, although they need it as well (according to my observation) , do not want treatment from a psychiatrist. if only and only I had the support of my parents, I could honestly have been accepted in med school last year, and there would have been no regrets, belonging to my part. Since I do not have a support system, or at least support system consisting of first degree relatives, I am lost. That is what that is keeping me outside of medical college.
As for as why I want to be a doctor, the reason is simple.
- I want to enjoy the science behind medicine.
The "helping people" part is just a bonus. If I talk from a scientific perspective, every professional in science has to remain objective. They have to distance themselves from emotions and feelings and think only scientifically. They have to "completely remove the human" from themselves IF they want to achieve results. The quote is taken from Neil deGrasse Tyson, he was explaining the scientific method. I have used logic and I arrive at the conclusion that I need to remain objective before I even get into med school, if I want to make it as a doctor.
Is an MD the only answer? I have no idea. Scientifically talking, I have no idea.
So, I have two choices
1) Try to get into med school. Study for the medical entrance examination while doing my BSc course (if I don't get into med school, I don't want to ruin my career by throwing away my BSc education.) As of current, I have completed my first year and I am awaiting results. The thing I am grateful for is that I actually did well in the exams and I don't have to worry about failing the academic year. So if I go according to this plan, I will give the medical entrance examination just right after I finish my second year. If everything works out, I will not have to get admitted in the third year of my BSc course. I will get admission to MBBS instead.
2) Do not try going into med school and focus fully on the BSc course and then get a PhD instead. This was my current route up till the last couple of days or so.
As for why I was/am interesting in research instead of medicine, is because I originally wanted to be a doctor, could not, so I decided to write about science to help recover from the depression of not being able to have a career of my choice. So I instead started writing about pure science (chemistry, biology, physics, etc.) instead of medicine.
Thank you for taking the time to read. I'd love to hear an advise from you.
