I want to hurt myself to communicate instead of using my words
I wish I could let myself actually show this vulnerability instead of distancing myself from it and describing it intellectually. I wish I could let myself be cared about. I wish I could ask for the things that would make me feel better.
I don't know what you'd be willing to say yes to because I can't ask. I've already made the decision for both of us that any attachment is bad and wrong and should not be indulged