I'm scared that you'll be disgusted if I talk about feeling a connection with you
the idea of a connection with me is disgusting
I'm not worthy. I'm icky. I'm gross. I'm disgusting.
It's one thing to make you put up with me from afar. But no one should have to be emotionally close to me.
It feels like I'm metaphorically dirty and should not try to come in contact with you. I should stay on my side of the room metaphorically/emotionally