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Originally Posted by DP_2017
I have been staying away from PC but I really was drawn to this thread and wanted to comment on your post.
I have not stopped caring. However, I've stepped back and looked at this differently (distance from therapy helped) and realized he no longer cares about me. I may be a random passing thought now and then but the money stopped, so did the real care I thought he had. I can't help that I think of him daily still and think of things I'd love to say or do for him all the time...just because.... but I have to put it in perspective. It's over.
I will hopefully get to a place I don't think of him much anymore.... and that I no longer care either. I will always love him though.
The best thing for me while I WAS in therapy, was to set my own boundaries. Try to focus on anything but him or therapy, it as hard at times but when I realized it was over taking my life, I had to. I felt like I was losing my sanity.
Going back to therapy was never something I wanted but I didn't know how to deal with the loss when it became too much but I was able to remain detached with 2 different T's and it was fantastic. Leaving therapy was easy this time. I didn't care about them in the slightest. I didn't feel cared about either, so it was a very different situation and it helped me.
I don't think it's wrong to care.... but just try to get some perspective on it all, the limits of it, how it's all different when the money stops, things like that. What helped me really shift was putting myself first..... realizing, my own sanity, my happiness, ME in general, was far more important than therapy or some man I paid to spend time with me.
I hope you are able to get to a place that works for you. It's not a bad topic to bring up in therapy. I do realize everyone is different and will see things differently or want things differently. Some still believe they care long after therapy is over and if that helps them get through the day, so be it. At the end of the day, I realized how much therapy took over my life and how much I needed to find myself again because I only have 1 shot at living my best life.
All the best to you.
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Hi DP
I believe that we are on a similar time line in terms of loss of a therapist which we had a very “flexible” relationship with
The relationship itself was unmitigated hell in many ways because what happened in the room was so intensely personal at times on both sides and then just messaging/emails etc as physical presence had to be paid for(whether deferred or reduced or even not charged)emotionally
I too thought I was going insane and I recently went back in order to read my clinical records - that was a bizarre experience as the notes were extremely boring and contained NO mention of hugging/personal disclosures/outside contact/3 hr sessions etc but did mention the one time I passed a comment on his baggy misshapen jumper- transference apparently
I was stunned at this lack of honest appraisal of the relationship and it allowed me to finally realise that everything was and would be (2 year hold) on his terms - he admitted that during our last appointment he emotionally withdrew from me and I replied that it was cruel and undeserved and a few other more flavoured but very calmly delivered comments - this shocked him saying he had never heard these things to his face in 30 years and he proceeded to sit down next to me and talk normally for 3 hours !,- this has blown me apart again as I knew I absolutely have to walk away and NEVER go back as he holds all the cards and however much I want it I believe I couldn’t survive any more of it
Apologies for ramble just wanted to share this and say well done for gaining some perspective through the ongoing pain- I GET it