Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
You are right that I have come to PC to help process things and it has been helpful. I do like processing things with others, but for whatever reason don’t tend to do it face to face with the people in my life including family and my husband.
I have many more conversations about the email saga on PC than I do in person with my T, I think because I find it embarrassing and it sort of feels like we’re beating a dead horse. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. So, I respond a bit to his replies about it in session, then tell myself it should be enough, but later on I end up stewing about it on my own. It bothers me that it’s an issue that keeps popping up. I just wish I understood why.
I had also come to the conclusion that his decision to no longer reply is based more on his gut feeling rather than logic which is maybe why his reasons don’t make sense and why his reasons seem to change. He is good in other ways and has shown me that he’s there for me in other ways so I’m not sure why it feels like this matters so much.
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I imagine it's also because it was a unilateral decision. It's not like he discussed with you how to best handle it. Did he ever ask you what exactly you get out of the email responses? Because for me sometimes it's just good to know I've been heard. Like even if my T just said, "Thanks for sharing, let's discuss Thursday" (which he's done before). You might know he's reading them because he'll mention them in session, but for me there's something about an acknowledgement of the email itself. I think maybe you asked him for that and he still said no?
I recently had a discussion with my T about whether he'd ever stop replying to my emails, particularly if I seemed to be doing better. He said he wouldn't, that he'd feel wrong about taking away something he'd offered in the beginning (though he does charge for his time if his reply takes more than 15 minutes--that's happened maybe 5 times, but those are quite long though!--or if I were to send him more than a certain number of emails, but I've somehow managed not to hit that level yet). He did say the wording of his response might change. Like if it was a situation that he thought I could handle, he might say something more like, "Sorry you're struggling. I know you can handle this, as you've gotten through it before." Or something to that effect. Like more "You've got this!" as opposed to more direct reassurance (maybe that wasn't the best example).
I have found my need to email him decreasing lately. In the sense that I might be really upset and want to email him, then I think, "Maybe I'll see how I feel in the morning." Might type something up and have a waiting period. Sometimes I do still send them (and I sent a pretty long one recently, but some stuff he'd said in session had upset me--the stuff on forgiving my mom), but I generally try other things first. And I tend to mention that in the email, like that I had talked to H or a friend (usually an online one) about it, tried listening to music, etc.
This might seem counterintuitive, but knowing my T will respond, generally within 24 hours (usually sooner) often makes me feel less of a need to email him. Whereas ex-T rarely responded, and ex-MC was maybe 50-50 (though sometimes required second email or text to get him to reply), and I never really lost the urge to email them (though I stopped for a while with ex-T when she told me my emails were too long). So maybe that could be something to share with your T? Because there is likely some element of "maybe he'll reply to this one?" when you email. And if he just sent something, even just "Got it" or "I heard you" in reply, perhaps that would help?
Another thought is, if he'd consider replying to ones if you said "reply requested," but then others, you could send and just say "no reply needed, we'll discuss in session."