I wonder if you use email and canceling sessions and other things outside of session to avoid pursuing closeness and depth within them. And the sessions and the process surrounding them, whether that's email or text or saying goodbye in the waiting room, or whatever, belong to both client and therapist. I don't subscribe to the prostitute model of therapy, where the therapist has to do and say or deal with whatever the client wants. You don't have to take care of your therapist, and he's not trying to control what you do. He's told you a million times you can write whatever you want and he'll read it, he just won't respond. Your lack of consideration for him as a free agent in this relationship is telling. I think it's worth looking at. It sounds like you had the kind of childhood where emotional neglect gave you little choice about what you got back from people, which was probably overall very little. And now perhaps your relationships are characterized by asking for very little, but also not allowing people to give you much back-- the other side of the coin of what you're doing with your T. It is still a constriction of the other person on the other side of the relationship. So I would say, probably something I've said before to you, perhaps less focus on what he does and more inward focus on understanding yourself and sharing yourself with him. Maybe you're terrified of what you'll get back from him if you actually share you life with him and let him get to know you. Distracting yourself with b.s. is a good way to do that.