I've gotten into a pattern of sending a bunch of emails, but he usually only replies to one. He said last time it was pretty amazing how much I allowed myself to feel. Even though I say I don't want the session I know he will still save it for me and I'll turn up on tuesday (or wenesday if he has any free slots).

Artie I'm sorry for swaying things for you. I think the way I feel now is super child like. But I think dependency is needed for me anyway. Babies need their parents 100% and do cling, but once they're ready they start exploring on their own- because they have that secure base.

When R took his first holiday which was for only a week . I freaked out and I believed he wouldn't even come back. His breaks now are actually more manageable.

I think you can run away and avoid things for a bit, but they're still there at the end of the day.