Quote:
Originally Posted by Lrad123
You are right that I have come to PC to help process things and it has been helpful. I do like processing things with others, but for whatever reason don’t tend to do it face to face with the people in my life including family and my husband.
I have many more conversations about the email saga on PC than I do in person with my T, I think because I find it embarrassing and it sort of feels like we’re beating a dead horse. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. So, I respond a bit to his replies about it in session, then tell myself it should be enough, but later on I end up stewing about it on my own. It bothers me that it’s an issue that keeps popping up. I just wish I understood why.
I had also come to the conclusion that his decision to no longer reply is based more on his gut feeling rather than logic which is maybe why his reasons don’t make sense and why his reasons seem to change. He is good in other ways and has shown me that he’s there for me in other ways so I’m not sure why it feels like this matters so much.
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This is people pleasing. You also said in your other post it's difficult for him. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt its difficult for him. He's likely done this before, many times.
You keep trying to make sense of the email decision, which is a distraction from working through your inner issues you noted earlier: "...that I can’t help but interpret it as him pushing me away a bit or thinking im not worth the effort." This is exactly the kind of stuff to talk with him about to resolve this. I don't think he is/will be uncomfortable, but am guessing that you are the one who is uncomfortable.
Don't feel embarassed about the topic coming up or writing a out it here or being uncomfortable sharing with him. It's not easy being in the spotlight if you have always been other focused.. All these feelings are important to explore. If you keep focusing on the email decision rather than your inner world, it will continue to have power over you.