I don’t think my last post explained things so good, so I highlighted your patterns I was referring to. Rationalizing is a defense to avoid feelings. I listed your pattern of using rationalizing in bold. Red is your feelings, which is the content of this type of therapy and how you work through this. You keep trying to understand—to rationalize—the email, which prevents you from processing the feelings—the red--and moving forward.

Your words show a lot of conflict, too, and pressure from your superego, which impacts how this plays out.

ItÂ’s not a bad thing at all-itÂ’s just part of the process. ItÂ’s just sooo slow. You donÂ’t want your defenses to just disappear overnight. I wouldnÂ’t worry about rushing it, but if being stuck here bothers you, you could try to discuss more of the red both in and out of session (but especially in session) and not focus so much on the bold.

I would imagine you did this growing up in terms of your parents and how they treated you, trying to 'figure it out' rather than feel the emotional pain of not mattering.