I was diagnosed as avoidant by a therapist..
I dipped into a book which if I recall correctly said something like people with this disorder sometimes appear hostile and prickly to pre empt rejection... I don’t know. Maybe this is me

My depression has been worse lately, anhedonia is worse, anxiety is worse... and a big event is coming up ...

I feel like crawling under a rock in my cave, anywhere “safe” ... but nowhere feels safe

I reread the last sentence and read it to myself

“In my cage”

I do feel like I’m in a cage. It hurts. I keep trying to get out of the cage .. what can I say without beating myself up further

Words have always been hard...

They still are