****TRIGGER WARNING****

"that line was cut ever since my parents tortured mental discipline into me."

I understand that. My family was torment too. I am the youngest of three girls and my mother and two older sisters bullied and abused me so badly that almost my entire childhood is a blank. That is called Traumatic Amnesia. It accompanies a lot of other mental illness and physical illness issues I battle daily.

What helped me after a bazillion hours of AA meetings, support grounds and psychotherapy was I had to face the blinding crippling pain my family buried inside me. The last thing in the world I wanted to give any thought to was my monster family. It was painful and took a long time to get through, but I got through it. And as I moved through my grief, those distorted lies they spewed at me lost their power over me and I began to feel happiness.

Would you like to know what thoughts tormented me? I thought I was truly defective, useless and stupid. They pummelled that into my head growing up. Those lies cemented me in the self-destructive mindset I tried to build my life on. Of course I failed.

But now, today, I am better and doing everything I can to keep moving forward and make the most I can out of my life.

I wish we could help you somehow. You sound angry and miserable. I am sorry your parents treated you that way. You were a little kid dependent on them for your survival. How could you have turned out any differently?