I have been stuck in a cycle and it all revolves around me wanting to give up a couple of tools. I see them as an investment and can't throw out money. I have had about 30 days clean from all addictive behaviors. But what do I want?? I know what my church says. But what do I think and what to believe. Am I fooling anyone. I have been depressed lately, is that how I want to live?

What does sobriety even look like for me? It's been 11 months and 8 days since I have been with a guy, physically. Do I want that again, is it marriage that I want or just someone to be with? These are all questions on my mind.

I don't expect everyone to believe that sex addiction exists, but what do I believe about it? Is it caused by lust, or love?

These questions have been floating in my mind this week. I guess I just need an outlet that is totally anonymous.

The reason for these questions
I know that I am getting closer to having another guy in my life buy is it something that I actually want? Is it who I want? I am triggered to even be thinking this way, I think I'm scum. But I know I can be more than scum with a higher power, but at what cost? Or costs?