I found out I have full spectrum ADHD last year, at the age of 47!
Everyone’s case is different. I remember feeling like my mom didn’t care about me because I’d be talking to her and she’d interrupt and start talking to someone else, or she’d go do something else right in the middle of me talking. I’m pretty certain it means she has ADHD, too.
She also forgot boundaries. No matter how many times I’d tell her not to call our house, she was just so impulsive and her bad working memory made it nearly impossible to maintain.
She’d have trouble regulating her emotions and really fly off the handle. I rarely lose my temper anymore, but I stuff my feelings down because in the past my parents weren’t that great for role models. My dad kicked a hole in the closet door. My brothers punched holes in doors and walls. My mom threw a drawer of cutlery down the stairs once. Also would get in our faces/spaces and freak on us.
A lot of ADHD people don’t realize how they are behaving or how it impacts others around them.
Anyway, I found we have a local ADHD coaching/counseling center. It’s called the Learning Disabilities Association. There are coaches for both children AND adults who have ADHD.
I hope you have access to something like this. If not, it may even help to speak to a psychologist who uses CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). You would be surprised how “plastic” the brain is. You can change or modify your behaviour to make it easier for you to be mindful.
You don’t remember doing anything to intentionally hurt your husband: you are probably hurt that he thinks that you don’t love him or don’t show that you love him. You love him, but his perception of this was different.
You can also either go to a physician or get referred to a psychiatrist from a physician (or if your employer has benefits that cover that, they might have a list of approved psychologists and psychiatrists or other counselors. I have anxiety and depression for which I manage with medications prescribed by my psychiatrist.
Also, not sure if you have researched ADHD or read books, etc, but I will leave a few links that might help you or at least point you in the right direction.
Jessica McCabe videos:
YouTube
Relationship Stuff by said Jessica:
- Anger/Emotional Regulation:
youtu.be/9Aq7RNaB0DQ
- How ADHD Effects All Our Emotions: youtu.be/2kew2JhKq3Y
- Let’s Be Honest: youtu.be/XbyN8REIhMk
- Good Relationship “Rules” Part 1 youtu.be/iscw-a_fR98
- Part 2: youtu.be/cg_gte_ODMY
- ADHD and Choices:
youtu.be/AJwn0WrqAhI
To be honest, I could paste more, but this is probably more than enough.
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There’s also this guy, Rick Green. If you’ve ever watched the Red Green Show, well, he’s the Green part.
Rick’s videos:
YouTube