Forgiveness is for the forgiver-not the perpetrator IMO. Many people think they need to forgive someone as a way to be ok with what happened. I do not believe this is the case. Acceptance is more important than forgiveness in many cases. Accepting that something happened, that it wasn't your fault and that those persons are not allowed to and cant harm you anymore- and that it is in the past is one of the best paths towards healing. But acceptance must come before any forgiveness. And if you choose to forgive you must realize it is for your peace-not theirs. In no way is forgiveness meant to rekindle a relationship(unless that is what you want), or make nice to placate the family, make others feel more comfortable or excuse the bad stuff that happened. But if you choose to forgive after acceptance its important to remember that it is for yourself and it does not mean what happened was ok. It does not mean you have to forget what happened. It does not mean that you rationalize the person who hurt you. I believe forgiveness is more about forgiving yourself-that the pain you carry or the revenge you seek is no longer a priority. It is no longer a part of what makes you, you. It will no longer control you or affect you. It is giving yourself permission to live a happy, content or peaceful life. It is about you moving forward and not letting past hurts define you . I do not believe forgiveness is about the people who wronged someone. Those people did what they did because there is something wrong with them and it is not my job to make them feel better about it by co-signing their bull s**t by rationalizing or understanding the motivations behind their sick antics. JMO.