I do not take pharmaceutical meds either - although I will at times do more natural things. I do agree pharmaceuticals tended to give more side effects than beneficial results - and it seemed docs wanted to give more meds to counteract the side effects too .. until I felt like someone I no longer recognized n sometimes found it hard to think at all. Being without meds (for years now) has brought me more to my true self, yes. Just like with anything else though, it does take effort if I wish to control those things which bother me mentally, psychologically, and/or emotionally. Thats why (I believe) medication has been preached (and sold) to us so often - because learning the unique natural methods each unique person needs to use in order to help themselves is much more complex and less profitable (to the wallet) than simply swallowing a pill that is said to work for everyone that fits a certain set of circumstances. All that said - no matter if you choose to do the work or not (to make yourself better), does not mean you "deserve" an illness or disorder anymore than another person who chooses not to undergo treatment "deserves" cancer. It is simply a circumstance you either choose to deal with or not. It sounds like you are judging yourself harshly for deciding not to deal with your circumstance. You may want to think about reconsidering your decision .. or perhaps just allow yourself more freedom to be you. Either way, you DO deserve to be as happy as you can be - that will start with how you treat yourself.