I'm listening to this entrepreneur on Facebook and it's just depressing me. I feel lost. My mom is working her *** off and is stressed with her heart palpitating all the time she could die and theres nothing I can do about it.

I can't just make money on the internet like I should do because I dont even know where to begin. I dont even do much on the internet that I even enjoy. I don't enjoy my life even though I'm not working. I dont like my life. I want to be constantly moving but I'm just stuck.

Everyone is doing something or working towards something. Sure, I'm taking college courses but I have no clue what I want to do. I'd love to make podcasts but I cant even speak. I have nothing to offer because theres nothing in my mind because I'm too depressed. Almost everyone my age feels this way but they're not doped up on meds and mentally disabled. I cant even get out of bed without a stimulant. I dont know why. People just call me lazy. Theres no winning to my situation.

My creativity is dead. I have barely any will to live. I feel like I'm in mental pain 100% of the day. I'm just doing things because I have to. Theres low energy in my brain. Im not inspired by anything. I turned to drugs before even realizing what was wrong with me.

I cant get myself to quit cigarettes. I have no motivation to do the things I'm supposed to be doing but somehow get them done slowly and painfully as if taking it slow actually means anything because I'm going nowhere. I have anhedonia so all the things that make everyone else happy dont register in my mind on most days. I just feel nothing and feel numb.

I'm interested in my own psychosis. I want to be a little psychotic because I feel like everyone is just a little bit. I believe I'm on too much antipsychotic. But what else can I even say? I'm miserable and suffering. Alcohol makes me feel worse when it makes most people feel happy. I dont have a driver's license so I should add that to my list of meaningless things that I have to do like apply for jobs, get a haircut, get a gym membership. It all feels pointless to me because I'm dysphoric and hell and everything feels painful. I hate myself and my thoughts. I'm a waste of life. I don't know why my family loves me when I cant do anything to better myself.

I need guidance in life because my cognition is completely ****ed. I bet I'm not even good at math anymore. I'm not good at anything because I dont even try. I have no free will. I cant change my thoughts. I feel like everything I've done to try and be happy is a cruel joke of a life. Yet people do the same things I've done and they're fine. I ****ed myself up. All I see is a blackhole opening up in reality that I want to jump into and just disappear.