I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, SorryShaped! Is it possible for you to change Meds? I'd suggest to talk to your Pdoc about ALL of this and see how it goes from there if you haven't already! Unfortunately Depression and some Meds can really make you feel numb! It is even worse when everything that you can experience are only NEGATIVE FEELINGS! I'm so sorry, it must be VERY PAINFUL for you! Please NEVER give up hope although I understand that's hard to do in your current situation! We're here for you if you need to talk to somebody, ANYBODY! Do you have a support system IRL? I certainly hope so! Even if you don't, we'll STILL be here for you! WE'LL NEVER ABANDON YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMBER ALL OF THAT AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! We DO want to know how things are going for you and if things are getting ANY BETTER and if there's ANYTHING at all that we can do to HELP YOU OUT! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU! WE'LL ALL DO EVERYHTING THAT'S IN OUR POWER TO HELP YOU OUT! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, SorryShaped!