That is an important question. Honestly, I don't think I know the true answer because I don't understand it myself. I don't understand how people abuse a child even seeing how the child is crying and visibly upset. They may look human, but inside, they aren't.

Are you familiar with child development? Little kids are like sponges. What they see and hear, they absorb and repeat. If a small child is surrounded by anger and rage, that is what they take in. So, since that is what they know, that is how they behave. If no one is there to correct that and help the child do better, that behavior gets locked in place as they grow up.

Our emotions are the foundation of our behavior. Understandably, you have mountains of anger and rage inside you. That fuels, I think, your behavior and contributes to people avoiding you.

Have you ever been in therapy or seen a grief counselor? A good counselor can help you get through those emotions that are holding you back.

But, for that to work, you have to be willing to talk about what hurts you and cry a lot because that is how you will get better and straighten out your thinking.

Once you work on the emotions that, it seems to me, overhelm you, they won't bother you as much. That is healing, you would be healing. It takes a long time to heal, but that would get you on your way to getting better.