Well my first appointment was last night. I think it went okay. I was nervous, staring at the floor a lot...but that's me.

I did explain the 'episode' two years ago, after I had been on anti-depressants for about a month, and I spent tons of money, called in sick to work and basically lost my job, went online and met a bunch of guys in person that I barely even knew, and I ate tons and tons of food.

But I also explained that I really don't notice any changes in my sleep, or any really "high" feelings. I never really get happy anymore, I'm always depressed. I don't get the racing thoughts or anything.

Anyway, it was just a one-hour first appointment, we will have to get more into it eventually. He did give me some mood charts to chart how my moods are every day and see if there is a trend and try and notice some triggers. That should be good.

I did fail to tell him about what I've done recently. I can't blame this on meds,since I'm not on any. but I cheated again. And this time, it wasn't just a one-nighter....well, so far I've only met the guy once, but we keep chatting. Planning to meet again in April. What the hell am I doing??? I'm married, with a 2 year old. We're building a house. Why why why why why would i throw it all away, again? I don't know if I can even call this "impulsiveness" or if I"m just donig bad stuff and trying to blame it on an illness.

Ugh..anyway...I just need to get the guts up to tell the therapist about that next week.