Quote:
Originally Posted by seesaw
I have found this to be true, and not surprised by the outcomes. My stepmother hates all welfare programs because "no one helped her" when she was struggling as a single mother in the 80s. I have often thought, well no one made it easier for me, and then my thought is, but I want others to have it better than me, not worse.
Again, I think tough love gets confused with dissenting perspective. Tough love literally sounds like a person who is in a real relationship with the person receiving the "love" enforcing their personal boundaries. Like Sarahsweets said, enforcing financial boundaries with a child. So maybe it's the fact that this euphemism has been appropriated for abusive behavior, and we should call the behavior exactly what it is: are you enforcing a boundary? Are you expressing a differing perspective? Or are you forcing your thoughts and opinions down someone else's throat? Or are you being overly judgmental? I think if we're really specific to what the behavior was and how it made us feel, we can more clearly talk about it and also address it with each other.
Also, I'd like to encourage you to use person-first language. Don't mean to derail the thread, but I am a person with major depressive disorder, not a depressive. It's not a personality trait; it's a condition. Thanks.  |
Thank you for the post Seesaw. Yes, I think 12 people could probably come up with 12 different definitions of tough love and their own examples. That's why the exploration is so interesting per Iliovar's thread here.
With regard to person first language, I think this was addressed by DocJohn in the guidelines and a recent thread. I did not couple "depressive" with a pejorative therefore I have not violated the guidelines here. I felt comfortable using that term because I live with depression myself. I don't find the term offensive. There are times when people use the shortest version of a phrase or word in order to be efficient with language and communication. Depressive is faster and more efficient than "people living with major depressive disorder." Sometimes a sentence can get unwieldly with long titles and the idea gets buried under the phrasing.
I did not say that depression is a personality trait. I am well aware that all sorts of different people can present with depression from various walks of life. They are unique individuals. Remember that I live with it myself (lifelong) so I don't need to be educated on what it is.
If you feel very strongly about person-first language, even though it was already addressed by DocJohn on the recent thread, perhaps you'd like to discuss again with him? I believe I am within community guidelines and I also think that we need to respect that different people with the same illness are allowed to have different feelings about the language around it. The moderators can certainly correct me if I am wrong about the guidelines.
As a middle ground, I will refrain from referring to you directly as a 'depressive' Seesaw. Wishing you peace and a good day.