Please listen to Mickey, Sinking. She says it better than I ever could. Quite frankly I don't know WHAT to say to this post, except that if you really want to end it all, you're definitely heading in the right direction. Now I don't know if I'm supposed to say that on this forum or not, but I sure can't help thinking it. You say you don't want to talk, you don't want to do anything but get high. There's not a lot I can say or do in response to that. Except I hope you change your mind.
And if you do change your mind, we're here for you. You know that. ):