I suppose I am looking for advice/someone to relate to or maybe stories.


I broke up with my ex approaching a year. It was mutual but not not really and got very complicated in the last months of our relationship.

What was a very loving relationship started to crack when long distant and I was actually very dependant in many ways on it as well as resentful. My attachment style is avoidant with a bit of fear of abandonment thrown in there. Anyway leading up to the final break up we barely saw each other and I raised the issue of ending our relationship multiple times. Eventually we began to end it but they got with someone else in that process. We hadn't ended although it was going to in hinsight I feel betrayed by this and still very hurt.


The relationship wasn't perfect and their were problems and it wasn't sustainable, but there was a lot of love there. I am just struggling with holding these two things in hand, I cannot describe the level of care and reparenting my ex gave me but then she completely betrayed me as well.


I feel this grieving process is going on for long time and they are still with the person they cheated on me with. Whilst I still have a recovery of mental health to manage she is happy as they can be I don't doubt there are issues in paradise, but I know she has the things that make her happy. Me, I feel like I have walked away with all the consequence of a break up.

I raise this now after a year as I see them with their other half and their family as I am struggling to even imagine myself in a relationship. I feel like they have broken my trust inherently without the consequence. I also know their life has gone largely unchanged and they have maintained their friendships as I have had to effectively build mine from scratch.
I feel haunted. I am 30 years old and I want the family, the house and I want stability. But I feel I am living like a 24 year old.

The thing is its not as though I miss them and until tonight I haven't wanted to talk to them.