****trigger warning (mention of sexual impulses)****

I have talked about this before. I wont go into details but I have bad sexual impulses. They can be towards anyone. Sometimes when they are really bad and I am fighting not to act I will get in a literal psychical fight with my body. I want to act and I dont want to a my body fights against these two wills. It kind of looks like I am having a fit. It happened the end of last week. The group home administrator lives in the building. She has two dogs and only me and two other people are allowed to visit them. She just doesnt trust people wont hurt them. I love animals. Anybody that knows me will tell you that I am a animal lover and I spent 10 years of my life as vet assistant. I often go into her room and play with the dogs. Sometimes I even snuggle up with them and take a nap. Well this particular day I was watching whatever channel that she had put on and before I knew it the show had mentioned SA and I was triggered and had the impulse to touch the dog. Instead of touching the dog innapropriately I raised my hand above the dog so my hand would be away and then kind of went through some jerking movements in a literal fight with my body not to be bad. This has been going on since I was 7. I just dont know why.