I'm having a mini fantasy in my head in which I'm your last session tomorrow and you're concerned enough to go way over time and just be there with me
Or, better, you have a session after me but you ask me to stick around/come back after because you're concerned

I swear I'm not making this up for attention
I think
I'm trying to believe myself
It's been over a year. I have urges to SH for attention and I've been honest about my conflicted motives
But I have always (truthfully) insisted that I did not have any suicidal ideation
so I wouldn't just decide to make it up for attention now, right?
I don't like that it started the week you were gone and I was feeling abandoned. It makes me question myself. But that's when the med increase triggered this, so it was an external trigger
Right?

I'm scared.
My thoughts are scaring me.

It's not fantasizing about you being concerned for attention. It's that I really really want comfort right now because I'm scared and 50 minutes tomorrow isn't going to be enough because then I'm going to be alone again