Greetings.

I put the little trigger thing because I touch on religion briefly which is a MAJOR trigger for me so.....it's on there.

So ONE of my struggles is in relationships. Older and newer relationships. Currently, the majority of my more negative relationships are with family members. Immediate and in-laws. On both sides, my relatives are very traditional and religious folks. I recently let my mom in on what has been going on, over the span of a couple months. She didn't really want to hear me or watch any videos/read any articles that I sent her. It took her a while to even come around. Her rejection wasn't a surprise and of course she believes I am possessed with demons. So as you can imagine, our conversations are short.

As for my in-laws, only for the sole purpose of appeasing my husband do I try to go to his family functions. As "religious" as they are, they have acted like a bunch of toxic people. My mother-in-law, father-in-law, brother-in-law AND sister-in-law are huge triggers for me. Even when I see their names on my phone. In the past, my in-laws would make cold, mean remarks to the point of where I barely would come around. My husband wants me to come around more. I did recently for mother's day and let me tell you how hard it was to keep the system calm. My father-in-law wants us to come out and stay with them for the weekend at one of their properties and I'm definitely not feeling it. That's way too long for me to act like I DON'T have a system and be heavily scrutinized just to make people happy. My entire life has been about being normal and making people happy. Still haven't figured it out and we're tired.

My husband is also constantly asking me where I stand with my spiritual relationship. I personally don't understand how I can be a "christian" and be fragmented when a major explanation for DID in the religious culture is possession. I've told my husband I've gone to church so I don't go to hell because I sweat fast and can't take eternal extreme heat. But since my system has been making itself known over the last two years, I've been experiencing a lot of different feelings that conflict with the rules of the bible. One example being I think one or more of my fragments are bi-sexual. Currently, the best I can do is continue on my own personal journey of self-improvement for myself and my immediate family (husband and kids). That entails mental, physical and emotional improvements. And I don't personally see anything wrong with that.

Sometimes I want to just blurt out to people that I'm fragmented and stir up education and awareness on it so we and others can just live in peace. Majority of the time though, I want to be normal and undetected so I can skip all the judgments. I don't know, I'll just keep on keeping on I guess.