Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I sometimes wonder what’s normal.
I talk to my daughter a lot and it’s equal back and forth (I’d say we have at least few texts every day and phone phone calls every few days and we are very busy people and have time zone difference )and I always thought that’s what others do too.
My daughter told me that’s actually unusual amount of communication. I was surprised. Actually my therapist said that many parents and adult kids talk only occasionally. I complained how far away she lives and my therapist says “well at least you two talk”, I asked what she meant and she said that others just don’t talk that much.
Now I think maybe what we do it in some kind of old country backwards ways talking that much? My husband talks to my stepdaughter but not extremely often, maybe weekly but she often doesn’t reply to texts. If my daughter didn’t reply to a text I’d think something bad happened. I’d freak out. He doesn’t freak out “oh she’ll reply when she has time”. He doesn’t fuss like I do.
My brother complains that my nephew doesn’t call them (married lives near by), but then my brother doesn’t call him either! My dad wouldn’t call or text us unless we do, he believes it’s our job. I don’t look at it this way. If I want to talk to my daughter, I call.
I know you said you text your son. Have you tried to call? Does he pick up?
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Kids don’t answer calls, it goes right to voice mail! They only text. They’ll call if there is really a need for conversation. Believe it or not, I’ve had customers who only want to text. I think it’s a societal thing today.
It’s funny you mention your dad refusing to call and think it should be the other way around. My mother has this same attitude and uses it as manipulation. But there’s this show on Netflix we watched called Shtisel. On it, the grandmother (very old world) does call the children. I pointed this out to my mother to try to show her that she is not correct about this and she should reach out to my sons and call them (as she is angry that they never call her either). Of course, it would go to voice mail, but they would call her back.
When I went to college, my grandmother called me. We developed a close relationship of mutual calling. When I recently told my mother that grandma did call me, she refused to believe me.
I’m glad you are close with your daughter. It’s great to have a close, non toxic relationship!
My son used to tell me so much when he lived at home. I was the parent who got all the questions about sex. My husband did not get any discussions. The boys must have not felt that close to him, rather they did to me.