Quote:
Originally Posted by CartDown
I really should explain that during our session before last, I was tipsy and more willing to admit a lot of things, including things like how I'm too afraid to express negative emotions sometimes because he may think of it as attention seeking behaviour because of my known feelings towards him. I think it bothered him and made him think I wasn't comfortable enough, so he doesn't want me to be someone else, he just wants me to be me. Flaws and all. I just don't know how to do that because I'm always on my toes and fear being rejected.
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I feel what you're saying. Honestly, I've intentionally had a few drinks before some sessions just so I could feel more at ease in the room. It actually helped, because I spoke more candidly and got to observe her response. What i saw was acceptance, compassion, and non-judgement. This is made it easier to take risks a little at a time. I too struggle with knowing "how" to be myself. I'm begging to see that i overthink and sabotage myself by coming up with all this pre-planned dialogue, but don't have the guts to come out with it in the room. What I'm finding feels better is to try and let all that go, and go into the room with no agenda or script. It's starting to work.