Yes StreetcarBlanche. I do subliminally assume that people appreciate my generosity in not making a fuss. They don't. Or, they do say "you are very patient". I am not but I force myself sometimes to be co-operative and to behave that way.

Sometimes people are late consciously because they believe they are more important than anyone else, sometimes it comes out of a generalised fuzzy-thinking state. I sympathise with the latter state, but still sending messages that it doesn't matter at all to me is dysfunctional.

It's not about punishing people, or myself for fuzzy-thinking. It's about owning... what?... that having someone say they were late because of cat feeding etc, and also in my case that person not wanting to flex their other arrangements to take care of the situation... it's no big deal YET it sends messages to myself. I have a poor conception of my own daily stresses. It is a huge stress/ and emotional challenge for you to organise a meal and have someone arrive 2 hours late.

My trivial stresses are as important as yours are - ? We all have these trivial things that come up just as we are leaving the house, isn't it! It's trivial, but still an indicator of who/ what is most important to us?

Caring means standing back a bit and saying, "I messed up by not rating you highly enough to find a way to get through my fuzzy thinking".