He contacts my h when he needs something, and my h contacts him occasionally about funny stuff like articles or media. My h never had much hands-on concern with the kids. I was so much the primary parent that I suppose my h figured I had it all covered. My h’s aloofness toward me has been the basis of my issues with him. His aloofness extended to others as well. He’s been the breadwinner, he’s been here physically every day, but he’s been pretty vacant emotionally until really pushed. His parents were strangely like this too. While my mother is so completely opposite— it’s rather funny.

I don’t want to make any more waves with my son. I feel he resents me for my ‘crying fits’. The first time he was involved in one was last year, when I had a meltdown in the parking lot over a combination of things. Part of it was that he ignored an important thing I asked of him which was simply to call me before buying his fiancé the centers stone for her engagement ring. Now, looking back on that, I see it was part of a pervasive pattern of disrespect. His whole attitude toward me and my ‘emotionality’ has been unsympathetic and cold. I’m convinced the conversation about me between him and his fiancé is to criticize me. I feel she is driving the rift. It hurts that he did not love me enough to have simply had regard for me to begin with and then to remain feeling positive toward me should it be his fiancé is bashing me. I can’t imagine why he would feel angry and critical toward me when I never did anything to make him angry.

If she is a harmful person, he will eventually see it and protect himself, I hope. I just need to stand by and be a good mother to a grown son. I love him very much and I’m sure he knows that.