Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
He contacts my h when he needs something, and my h contacts him occasionally about funny stuff like articles or media. My h never had much hands-on concern with the kids. I was so much the primary parent that I suppose my h figured I had it all covered. My h’s aloofness toward me has been the basis of my issues with him. His aloofness extended to others as well. He’s been the breadwinner, he’s been here physically every day, but he’s been pretty vacant emotionally until really pushed. His parents were strangely like this too. While my mother is so completely opposite— it’s rather funny.
I don’t want to make any more waves with my son. I feel he resents me for my ‘crying fits’. The first time he was involved in one was last year, when I had a meltdown in the parking lot over a combination of things. Part of it was that he ignored an important thing I asked of him which was simply to call me before buying his fiancé the centers stone for her engagement ring. Now, looking back on that, I see it was part of a pervasive pattern of disrespect. His whole attitude toward me and my ‘emotionality’ has been unsympathetic and cold. I’m convinced the conversation about me between him and his fiancé is to criticize me. I feel she is driving the rift. It hurts that he did not love me enough to have simply had regard for me to begin with and then to remain feeling positive toward me should it be his fiancé is bashing me.  I can’t imagine why he would feel angry and critical toward me when I never did anything to make him angry.
If she is a harmful person, he will eventually see it and protect himself, I hope. I just need to stand by and be a good mother to a grown son. I love him very much and I’m sure he knows that. |
absolutely all kids criticize their parents or think their parents are off in one way or the other. It comes with the territory. We were placed on this planet to give our kids something to roll their eyes about. Lol I criticize my parents and my kid criticize me and her kids will think she is crazy. It is just how it is
I am sorry to hear about his aloofness. It could be he takes after his father. I can’t say about distancing themselves from over emotional outbursts but it could play a role. I understand distancing at that time like at the time of outburst, but then maybe reconnecting
Could be he had an issue with you being angry or very upset over a ring. I personally have never heard of adults having to call their parents about a ring. In my books it’s strictly between a man and a woman. Zero to do with mom. Most kids would respond with ignoring requests to consult with mom. I don’t think it’s unique to your son. Possible drama over not consulting with you re ring did cause a rift.
But it could be repaired. I routinely say or ask that my daughter does something I don’t think is wise. She doesn’t particularly care that I think it’s unwyse. She does what she wants.
But I think it could be repaired. I wouldn’t blame his fiancée because you don’t know. Sure they possibly talk about you. I talk to my husband about my dad and his crazy demands. But I make my own decisions re relationship with my dad. Is your son very dependent on others? You? Now her? Was he raised a bit overly protected? A lot was given to him? He now finally makes his own decisions? Which might include distance from you?
If he isn’t making steps towards repairing the rift, could you? Like heart to heart? Not emotional but just tell him how you feel? Ask if there is something could be done to change it?