Dear T: That was interesting. Asking you for an extra appointment this week before I've even seen you once. Have I ever done that? I don't think so, and I don't really know what it means, except that I felt some urgency in something that seemed like a reaction (and was) instead of a response; I was wound up in a way I haven't been for awhile and it seemed like I wanted to just control this thing and fix it for good.

Now I know that some things cannot be fixed for good and there are some things I just have to live with and even these things cannot ruin me or ruin my life or ruin my budding new love. But I don't know where that line is between what needs more work and what needs to just be acknowledged that this is my scare, this is what it looks like, it doesn't much hurt anymore but here it is.