Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuzzybear
I was diagnosed as avoidant by a therapist..
I dipped into a book which if I recall correctly said something like people with this disorder sometimes appear hostile and prickly to pre empt rejection... I don’t know. Maybe this is me 
My depression has been worse lately, anhedonia is worse, anxiety is worse... and a big event is coming up ... 
I feel like crawling under a rock in my cave, anywhere “safe” ... but nowhere feels safe 
I reread the last sentence and read it to myself
“In my cage”
I do feel like I’m in a cage. It hurts. I keep trying to get out of the cage .. what can I say without beating myself up further 
Words have always been hard...
They still are
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According to PsychCentral, this is the description and symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder:
Avoidant Personality Disorder
It does not include any kind of hostility or prickliness. Basically it is a desire to have interpersonal relationships but a fear so strong of the rejection or other pain those relationships can bring, the person ends up pushing away any opportunity for an interpersonal relationship .. as well as focuses on all the ways they find themselves to be inadequate and typically don't see much reason for people to like them - while finding a lot of good in other people. That's boiling it way down and reading the link will likely be better, but I don't see anything truly negative in the description.. rather it sounds more like a self-defeating type of thing - where you consistently beat yourself up for most everything .. and praise others ... yearn for friendships but convince yourself you are undeserving or they simply will not work, etc.
*hugs*
If you don't mind sharing - what is causing you to feel you are in a cage?