I had a horrendous day today.I had gynaecology clinic today.

Some of you will know the book The Celestine Prophecy,where events repeat in circles until you take a different step to before, during a cycle ,one that honours the synchronicity in the cycle,that will set you on a more healthy and honourable path.So today was a repeat of last time I had the cancer scare,it was precancerous cells last time and the nasty doctors tried to lie and say it was cancer and frighten me into having a hysterectomy.

Today it was a nasty bully of a woman doctor,arrogant and stubborn and trying to convince me the lab results which showed precancerous cells also indicated cancer,what she said was they can't rule out cancer and the lab says there is a high probability there is cancer there.Which doesn't make sense,they can't confirm cancer is there but they can't confirm it isn't there.What they have found is pre-cancer or hyperplasia.

So I don't know if they have found pre- cancerous cells of if it is just thickening of the lining of the womb which can become cancer,last time my womb was thick at 5mm. This time it was thin at 3mm , so it's not hyperplasia so they must have found precancerous cells but that isn't cancer.

The lesson according to the book ,The Celestine Prophecy,is to do the anti cancer diet and change my lifestyle to a healthy one,stop eating junk and eat fresh foods and vegetables all the time and exercise and lose weight,get diabetes and blood sugars under control.

The nasty doctor wanted me to have a hysterectomy so I refused,they then said to have an MRI,no point if its precancer,then she said see what the MRI shows and we can do a D&C scrape and get more cells to test and then give you the Mirena coil to introduce hormones and this will slow down the progression of the cancer.It is assumed the precancerous cells will become cancer and spread.Whereas NHS advice is that no one can guarantee that pre cancerous cells will turn into cancer and indeed they may not become cancer at all.

So I was emotionally bullied and I was lied to by this doctor.I wrote to her saying so told her I had no confidence in her as a doctor, that like last time they had lied and exaggerated the biopsy results,fear mongering to frighten me to agreeing to have a hysterectomy.I told her I would not have the MRI and I was discharging myself from her and her team and seeking to see my GP to be referred elsewhere for a second opinion.

I spent all day feeling beaten up emotionally and in deep distress.I hated myself and my life,I felt manipulated,used and abused,I did not feel like a human with a spirit,just a body ,an income,money and profit for the medical mafia.I knew that doctor did not care if I lived or died ,indeed she was glad she could show cause that my life was under threat so she could make money pretending to save it,which she was not doing only robbing me of my organ in order to further her career and income.This was everything about this world that I hated and despised and she was the kind of person in this world that I detested.

Anyway I had a rotten stinking day,I feel I have been treated appallingly.To make things worse my narc sister was pretending to be sympathetic and on my side but then said I should have the Mireno coil cos I could get cancer and die,so much for being on my side.I was scared today and I felt so alone and at war with the powers that be.I managed to calm myself down after I wrote that nasty doctor a letter and discharged myself.I am more at peace now but I am still upset.I had been upset since 9am this morning and it is 7.42 pm now.I am not going to feel better tonight,I am still going to be upset tomorrow and I am going to feel unimportant and that I don't matter for quite a while yet.