I think if you look at it from her perspective, whatever you write in emails is disconnected in time and space and the intimacy of being together in the therapy room. How is she to know that by the time you show up for session, this is still the way it is for you?

I guess I see it as your job to say, perhaps at the beginning of a session, "I wrote in an email last week that I would like for you to initiate the conversation about ___. Can you do that?"

Are you saying that you've been seeing this therapist for five years and you still can't say basic things in session? If so, I think it's time to move on.