Thanks for your support, JelloFluff.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
i am wondering why you would feel your children's best interests are not in line with your own wants?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">It's not so much my own wants but my own issues I bring to the table. To give one example, when we discuss protecting the girls from my H's pornography, I bring my own problems with this to the table with me, such as that I felt extremely disrespected for years when my H would play graphic porn right in front of me, with no concern for my feelings. Imagine trying to have a serious discussion with someone about parenting issues when they are sitting right there at their computer watching porno and not giving you the time of day. Or he would turn to face me to discuss the parenting concern, but leave the porno playing on the screen so I would see it in the background as we tried to talk. After those bad experiences, the porn is just a trigger for me. But those feelings are about me and my hurt not about protecting my kids, so in our current meetings I try to stuff my personal feelings down as they aren't relevant to the child discussion. But then T says I shouldn't. But it seems like I should. And I don't know what to do. I thought I was supposed to do that and just focus on the kids' needs. So when we're discussing how to protect my girls, am I supposed to bring up all those hurtful instances from the past? Is that what he wants? I don't really want that. I really don't get it. I just know T said to me, "no, no, no," so obviously I am not doing it right. I feel very reprimanded and I don't know how to do this right.

Junerain, thanks for the book suggestion. That does look like a good book. In reading the description, it says about the ex-spouses having a good relationship, free of anger, emotions, etc., so they can co-parent effectively. And that makes me confused again. I feel I have heard that many times and I have tried (quite successfully) to not be angry, to be professional and businesslike with my H, to stuff down all my hurt feelings about all of the porn, his anger, the abuse, etc. So I thought I was doing what this book said to do, and other books I have read too. But T says "no, no, no", don't squish my feelings down. But I thought I was supposed to do that. Don't the books say to do that?

I am just totally confused.

I feel like I just don't know how to be.