Feeling a bit melancholy. Today was my daughter's 5th grade end of year party, and tomorrow is her last day of school, a half-day with a noon dismissal. It will be her last day of elementary school. She's been at the same school for 6 years (counting kindergarten), so it's a bit sad. They had the last awards ceremony this morning, and the party, which H & I attended.

H & I are both worried about our daughter. Her moods are very erratic (though some of it is to be expected, she's 11, so there are hormones at play). But some of it seems to go beyond the norm; often, she cries and says she wishes she were little again, when everything seemed new and exciting and that she doesn't want to have to grow up. She is having difficulties sleeping, some nights not falling asleep until 3 AM or later. I've had psychiatrists and therapists tell me sleep difficulties as a kid can be a sign of mental health problems on the horizon. I had sleep difficulties too, but mine range back in time to as long as I can remember. I had a hard time sleeping (3 years old or so, maybe earlier as I've got a memory about not being able to sleep at an apartment we only lived in until I was 3. I want to have my daughter talk with a counselor, but H hates the mental health field, swears psych meds messed me up and caused me more problems, isn't thrilled that I go to therapy and if I mention the idea of asking my daughter's pediatrician about therapy, my husband's response is an immediate "no". But I worry. She is so isolated and an only child. She has friends at school, but none of them live so close, you can just pop by (down the same street or even a few roads over). I always had my middle sister, who is only 16 months younger than I am, pretty much a built-in friend growing up. I have another sister too, 5 years younger than I am, but growing up, she seemed so little though of course the age gap doesn't matter now. It's a difficult time for all kids, I think, outgrowing toys but still trying to find themselves, and my daughter is not interested in athletics or music, the 2 main extracurricular activities around here. She is very bright, straight A's all through elementary school and was put in the gifted and talented program in kindergarten. However, I think because she is so smart, she thinks about things even more and once she gets upset and worked up about something, she is like I am; it takes absolute ages to calm her down.

As for me and my iron-deficiency anemia...Lately, I have been feeling somewhat better. I have been taking iron supplements (as directed by my hematologist). I have not been running much though lately I've had some energy and have walked and jogged some, not daily, and never longer than an hour, usually 45 min. or less. I've been organizing and decluttering though my focus switches from one area to another (though it is back and forth between the same 3 or 4 areas and not added upon, so maybe not that manic-like), but I do worry I could be somewhat manic (witness the length of this email). Last blood check, my hemoglobin had improved though I was still anemic, still have ice pica. The hematologist recommended iron infusions (probably 2 of them), the first of which is next week Tuesday. I had a pillcam test resulting in nothing since the camera stayed in my stomach the entire filming (had to have an X-ray to confirm it had exited). An ultrasound showed I have a fatty liver (not common in thin people who don't abuse alcohol, but it happens and often they don't know why), so I'm getting some CT scan thing on it to check for scarring or cirrhosis. No gallstones. I'm getting some sort of X-ray to check the small intestine since the pillcam was a bust. I think I have another blood count thing coming up soon. I still do have the iron anemia symptoms though yesterday when I saw my sister, she said I was looking a lot better, getting some color back, but the iron pills are so hard on my stomach and digestive system. I can't wait to not have to take them. And I am dead tired of seeing doctors, getting tests, waiting on results, having blood draws.

Sorry for the long post. Probably hypergraphia. Can't stop it (sigh).