Hello Nechayev,

I am so sorry that you experienced abuse. It was not your fault and you did not deserve it. I think now may be a good time to step back from the academic problems for a while and focus on your health: mind, body, and spirit. Do you have a doctor or therapist you trust? Health is so important...academic pursuits can be figured out later. Based on your childhood experiences, you likely need help to heal from trauma and learn strategies to manage PTSD. PTSD can sometimes cause people to behave in ways which others may find upsetting or unacceptable...perhaps that was part of the problem you experienced with professors. I'm not saying that was the case since I wasn't there and obviously do not know you. Just something to think about. Our brains are beautiful and complex organs but sometimes they need some help to regain balance.

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future. You deserve to feel happy.