Quote:
Originally Posted by FearLess47
Hi PC friends,
I'm trying to comprehend some pretty big topics. I understand that there is a continuum for dissociative disorders and that each of us has a uniquely developed "system." I also understand that I am not going to be able to "figure it all out" overnight...but I think some part of me is soothed by defining terms, so I can be more in the know about what can feel like a giant topic.
What is co-consciousness? Is it possible to have an awareness of some parts but not others?
Is there a difference in the term "parts" or "alters?" Everyone has parts. So at what point does it cross over into alters? What is the difference between feeling "fragmented" or having alters?
Amnesia. So I don't remember a giant chunk of my childhood. And over the years, I have "lost time" and gone into trance/zoning out/dissociation. But I have not had the "suddenly I was in San Francisco" thing or completely not knowing what year it is. I would say it's more like, I know that I graduated from here, and that I did this or that, but I don't associate that as me. Like I did some videos and I almost can't bear to look at them, because it feels like I am watching someone else. I know it is me. But I can't connect with the experience of being in the videos.
I very often have that horrible experience of not knowing how to do something, like understand numbers or balance my checkbook, where I have known how to do that in the past. Or like drawings I have done that I can not actually do other times.
Internal dialogue vs "hearing voices." Not recognizing myself in the mirror, but knowing it is "me." Or seeing a "me" in the mirror that I feel like I haven't seen for a while.
I scored very high on the DES and MID assessments. Yet, I feel this crazy sense of denial. Like "that's not me" but it is.
Did you tell your significant other or family about DID? And are there "degrees" of DID?
If you are willing to share any of your experiences while you were first in the discovery process of your own DID, I would appreciate it. I feel like I have this giant tremendous task in front of me...at times it makes perfect sense. At times I am in complete denial and think I am making things up in my mind. And at times I want or need to know more...so that I can almost stop obsessing about "knowing more."
Hope this made a drop of sense...and again, I know all of our experiences are different. I feel so alone. (And yet not, ha ha.)
Ugh.
FearLess47 |
not sure but I think you may have asked these questions before...
co consciousness in mental health terms means to be aware of both what is going on outside your body and inside your body.
yes people can be co conscious of some alters and not others.
what is the difference between parts and alters. that depends upon your own location, what therapy approach your own treatment provider is using but in general...
a "part" is normal for human beings to have... its your normal patterns of behaviors, thoughts, feelings / emotions.
example of parts is that everyone has times when they criticize their self, call their self names or put their self down. this is called being the part known as the internal critic
another example someone who attends church is being the part of their self that is religious,
someone who likes to sing its said that they are in touch with their singing part of them selves.
in normal every day life human beings experience being many different parts of their self...I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, co worker, an avid reader, camper, .... these are all parts of me and my normal personality.
an alternate personality is a part of someones personality (their trauma's emotions, feelings, and more ) that has been dissociated.
the new definition of fragmented in america is when human being has times when they feel incomplete, that something is missing in their life, example my memories are fragmented. they are incomplete, there are many gaps in my memories where I cant remember things.
anyone whether they have a dissociative disorder or not can be fragmented.
amnesia with DID does not mean the memory is gone. it just means the memory is stored unconsciously / dissociated. eventually the memories are gained back through therapy. its not like if you get into a car accident and have damaged brain cells so the memories are forever gone.
I never had the problem of not knowing how to do things. any time I couldnt do something an alter would take control to handle that triggering thing that I did not know how to do. thats part of what DID is. maybe you can ask inside to your alters that you are co conscious with and find out who in your internal system manages things like that which you cant or have trouble doing. DID is something where it doesnt just come on like a cold or flu so if you are having a problem today its something that has been handled all through out your life by the alters. so just ask your alters who takes care of those things and ask them to help you.
internal dialog and voices that come with having DID are one and the same in the new definitions.
not recognizing myself in the mirror ...never had that problem. even though there was alters in my body its all one body so when I looked in the mirror all I saw was my own body. its not like DID morphs a persons body when they switch alters like you see in those old movies. if it was that simple it wouldnt take 10 plus years for people to finally get their diagnosis. doctors and therapists would see right away..... example I have an adult body but rainy was a child. the human body cant morph into the non puberty stage and cant morph into shrinking to the height and weight of a 5 year old child. I had long hair as a child, my adult body has short hair, my eyes dont change colors by their self my nose stayed the same... in other words its all one body so looking in the mirror all a person will see is their own body. the old movies showed differences in the movies to get the point across that its a mental feeling of being different. I can ttell you how many times someone would ask me what do you look like as rainy, does your hair suddenly change colors and your body shrink to a 5 year old, 10 year old...
my suggestion when you are looking in the mirror and you feel like you dont recognize your self check in/ ground yourself my touching your hair, forehead lips, eyes nose and mouth. this will help that feeling go away.
given you have replied in my integration thread you already know the answer to how I discovered I was DID so wont bore you with that again, you can just reread it any time you want to
Hopefully I didnt miss any of your questions.