Hi seesaw,
I was thinking about the seesaw smilie in your signature last night, and it made me laugh...because I found myself wondering "I wonder what tomorrow will be like?" Life feels like a seesaw at times!

YAY you for scheduling some medical stuff. When I see doctors nowadays, I often say "Bye, Hope I never see you again!" Because I am so sick of filling out new patient paperwork. I am so sick of telling the history and leaving some docs with false hope that they will help me, while others are left scratching their heads and passing me along to yet another specialist. I am so sick of peeing in cups, paying copays and sitting in tiny rooms waiting for someone to come in and help me, see me. So sick of trying to remember where I parked my car at the hospital or of hearing silly suggestions like "Have you tried vitamin B12, heating pads, yoga?" Yes, I am a yoga teacher!"

Anyway...keep at it. We must as human beings accept something that is difficult - sometimes doctors don't know the answers. That is why they call it a medical "practice." Our bodies are incredible. They are like emotional shock absorbers. They contain the imprint of our past. Bodies do weird things sometimes. It can be tempting to say, "Here, my arm hurts, fix this arm." But, we are not made up of pieces and parts...other than the ones created by scalpels and named in books. We are instead a complex, layered and fascinating network of connections and expression and mechanisms happening all day every day to keep us alive.

Recently an osteopathic MD walked into the little room I was sitting in. He was looking at my chart. He quietly lifted his head and took off his glasses and said, "Man, you've got a really messed up spine."

I laughed and cried at the same time. Somehow it was so good to hear the truth. And to know that he is just a human and doesn't own a magic wand...but that maybe I can have some help figuring out this mess.

Fight for you. And fight to also not beat yourself up for feeling like crappola.

FearLess47