Hi Ruby,

this is a great topic you've raised! Thank you for sharing your truth.

People often say they are not angry with someone when in fact they are because at some point in life (often as young children living with their parents) they were taught that their feelings don't matter and need to be suppressed. I have seen my friend do this. I can tell that she's upset about something but she'll say "it's fine" because as a little girl she was not taught that her feelings could be expressed and appreciated.

It is hard to ignore such a thing....you have nerve-endings....of course you don't want to ignore anger or resentment in your workplace. If I feel someone is upset with me, I would much rather hear about it and talk it over in order to move on. That said, people have a right not to share if they don't want to. But in that case they need to get on with it rather than behaving in an angry manner without explanation or discussion.

Sounds like your discomfort and frustration built up and then you got upset with him about something unrelated. Perhaps at this point, you could calmly explain that to your supervisor.
Something like: "I apologize for shouting. That was not okay. I just want you to know that I was very uncomfortable all morning. You were not interacting with me in the manner you usually do. I sensed some sort of anger or resentment. When we were unable to talk about it, I became increasingly uncomfortable and frustrated and then lost my temper. That is not an excuse but an explanation. I want you to know that I respect you as a person and as my supervisor. I think it is good for both of us to be open and direct about our interactions. If you are ever upset with me, please tell me directly so we can figure it out and move forward. If I misunderstood, and you were just having a bad day unrelated to me, it's okay to tell me that too. I would not pry."



Your points about concealed anger are well made Ruby. I understand your annoyance. If only people would own the feeling and discuss in order to move on. But as I think you have astutely observed, we humans are often far from logical!