I don’t feel like cheering. It’s been too hard a road. I just feel some small measure of relief.

From late 2015 she had started to become vicious, then violent, toward me and younger daughter. Why? Don’t know— maybe menopause, ultrastressful new job, weight loss medication side effect, brain tumor, or something else—maybe me?

I would swear that I used to be a good man and a good husband. Somehow no matter how fast I ran or how hard I tried or how supportive I tried to be it was never ever enough and I was repeatedly told that “obviously” I didn’t care and that we should get divorced. She would fly into these uncontrollable rages, again and again, every couple of weeks.

We separated in summer of 2017. By then I was well used to sleeping on couches.

The divorce process was pretty much as described in Psych Central’s various notes and advice on divorcing a narcissist: for her it was about the fight, about the threats, about manipulating, about winning—and drama was more important then results. Drama like in all those courtroom dramas she loves to watch—she wanted everyone to not only see that she was “right” but to stand up before a packed courtroom and give an impassioned speech and have everyone cheer for her. I just wanted out (with some protection against her threats). She kept backing out of agreements. Just like I read, she wouldn’t want to do anything unless the judge ordered it—and even then she decided she had...leeway... in how to interpret the legal requirements. My lawyer insists she’s never seen anyone behave so badly in 30 years of practise. In one court session, she was being so rude and objectionable the court officer told her to sit down and shut up.

Anyway. Now, it’s done. I feel drained and wrung out. I just want to take care of younger daughter and have her do well in high school (older daughter went to live with her), and live peacefully. I like spending short amounts of time with old friends and close family. I work hard but I find I have little ambition now. I cant be bothered to figure out how to retire—I spent that money on legal stuff anyway. The idea of dating is repellent because the thought of being in a couple is awful.

So, for today, it’s All Quiet on the Western Front.

Sorry to go on so.