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eskielover · May 24, 2019, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Hi Eskie! I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with your interactions with family because you relate to my desire to be more healthily independent with my parental units. Interesting to hear your experiences and to hear that you got even closer with your folks even in major life transitions like marriage. My parents are the opposite. My parents have much more time off due to their jobs allowing more time off so my parents have been much more involved in my life. It’s been a mixed bag since they’ve supported me at crucial times but have also been slower to wean me off, including on how we use our spare time. Everybody’s situation is different. On the bright side in your life you’ve proved your balanced independence of your time and resources quickly which is very encouraging! Maybe keeping a busier schedule (albeit with the activities we love) like getting a new job ASAP is a good plan!

PS I love your signature. I’m sorry and saddened to hear about your loss, and have thought about you and your loved one since. I’m a huge dog person so I equate them to family members and then some!

Growing my, my mom didn't work but she didn't drive either so I felt basically trapped at home unless neighborhood kids parents drove somewhere.. My dad worked nights because it paid more money. So when I was home to need driven anywhere he wasn't home. I am not even sure where I got it in my mind when I was that young that because I was their only child they were going to try to keep me their baby all my life. Probably heard the thought somewhere then observed their behavior & fought it from as far back as I can remember. I knew my education was my ticket out of a life like theirs so I focused on school from the beginning. Kinda strange to know how I felt & what I was fighting against without knowing the origin of the thinking.

My dad didn't think I should go to college so I went & paid for it myself. Went to local college & then the university. Lol...they were proud when I graduated & had a computer engineering career.

It was hard being a rebel. I fought against my parents all my growing up years...& I thought & handled myself so different than they did but their lack of self confidence did have it's effects on me. I felt sheltered only because growing up there was no way out. But I always recall thinking " what I learned from my parents is what I don't want to be like"

After all that & getting married & having our daughter 10 months before getting my degree my parents stepped up & took care of her so I could finish my degree & have my career. They had matured a lot since being my parents. My mom learned to drive & actually got a part time job. My dad even mellowed a bit but still I am sure he was on the autistic spectrum.

Looking back I think fighting for independence just causes major stress I never realized at the time.....but claiming it is important. Lol....the movie "Failure to Launch" always comes to mind when I think of the struggle. Parents & family support is important but I always looked at my job as a parent to teach my daughter skills for her to have an independent life.

I guess my independent spirit has paid off. My dad died years before my mom. My mom died in 2005 & I left my bad marriage of 33 years & bought a little farm with my inheritance 2100 miles from where I had lived all my life. Moved to a state & little town where I knew no one. I have developed many wonderful friendships & have better supportive people around me than ever before in my life. I am glad that I had the good times with my parents after I was married even with their quirky behaviors.

Lol....I look back & my mom always acted like her parents child when she was around them & the saying "you will always be our little girl" made my hair crawl. Lol....guess in reality I never stayed that little girl ever but they realized they could enjoy me for who I was not what they wanted me to be.

Finding the balance can be a challenge & is even harder living at home & going to college. Things in life seem to just be taken care of by someone else.....adding those things into one's schedule when on one's own is a learning curve also.

Lol....enough of my life reflecting on what I learned from my experiences. I am sure you will find YOUR family balance. Just takes time to evolve when you are in a healthy family environment